was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
