Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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