weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
