WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Help. Why am I so naked?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
