God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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