You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
