This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
