i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize