I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
