the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize