did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
