Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
