So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
