i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
