o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
