What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
