my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
