Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
