how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
