I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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