They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
