found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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