people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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