Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
