kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
