I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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