based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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