wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
