They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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