I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
