hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
please come you make the beer taste better
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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