We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
