mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
