Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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