I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet he comes in French.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
