please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
