I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
