P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
