I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
