No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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