the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
