Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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