The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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