I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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