first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
