I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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