you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
