There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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