I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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