sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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