I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
