why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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