I wish I only lived at night.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
