wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
