I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
