The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
