I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
