what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize