So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
