my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
