at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
