Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize