Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
