i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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