dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
