Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
