My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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