Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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