She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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