i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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