I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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