Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
