Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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