You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
