god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
