I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Watching her eat just hurts me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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