booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
