i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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