my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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