I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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