i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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