well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
